We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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