just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
