Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh god it's open bar.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
