I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
