Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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