I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
