You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
