wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize