you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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