Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
