theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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