Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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