So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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