Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize