I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
