NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
