At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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