but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
