I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize