My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
