He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How's work?
Spinning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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