i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
