You're completely useless in the revolution.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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