i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
