i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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