Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
