im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
