what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
