The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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