Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
