Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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