I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
