Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
