I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
