She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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