my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
