hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
