I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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