So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
