just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
