I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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