did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
