im drinking this country out of the recession.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this just has baby written all over it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
