He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
