my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
