I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
