she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
