We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
