Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
