No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
