More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
