Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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