are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
