Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
