I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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