Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
