Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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