I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
