I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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