is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
