I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love you. Go after that dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
