i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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