A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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