Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
