i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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