btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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