so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're like the curious george of whores
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
