My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
