I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
