you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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